Today is Mardi Gras-Fat Tuesday! How about some delicious Fat Witch Brownies?! I could never tire of trying brownie recipes. I could bake brownies every day and not be remotely bored. Fat Witch Bakery is in NYC. Oprah likes their brownies. I had to try them out!
Fat Witch Brownies with Peanut Butter Chips
14 Tbsp. unsalted butter
1/2 cup plus 2 Tbsp. bittersweet chocolate chips (Ghiradelli)
3/4 cup peanut butter chips
1 1/4 cups sugar
4 large eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup plus 2 Tbsp. unbleached flour
pinch of salt
Grease and flour a 9×9 baking pan (I used a 8×8 inch baking pan). Preheat oven to 350F. Melt the butter and chocolate in a small saucepan over low heat, stirring frequently. Set aside to cool.
Cream the sugar, eggs and vanilla together. Add the cooled chocolate and mix until well blended. Sift flour and salt directly into the chocolate mixture. Gently mix the batter until well blended and no trace of the dry ingredients remain. Fold in the peanut butter chips.
Spread batter evenly into prepared pan and bake 33 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean or with only crumbs, no batter on it. Allow to cool for 1 hour. Cut into 16 squares.
What’s this cheetah blood all about?
That night after I put the kids to bed, I cried. I cried and I cried some more. I called my husband and asked him when he was coming home from work. My mom told me not to scare him while he’s working because he may cut or burn himself or get in an accident driving home. So I waited just counting the minutes. An hour later he arrived and I just spilled out the words as he walked through the front door, “I have cancer.” The shocked look on his face was painful to see.
Then I cried some more as he spoke soothing words in attempts to comfort me. I kept saying, “The kids need me. I don’t want to leave the kids. I don’t want to leave you.” That is what I kept thinking about the most. My little angels. What would they do without me?? I can’t leave just yet. I have to watch more basketball games. I have to watch my daughter break the first boys’ heart. I have to watch my son learn how to read. I want to be there when he reads to me his first book. I had to stop all those thoughts. I had to just sleep and rest. I prayed and then collapsed on my pillow still wiping away the tears and fell into a deep sleep for a few hours. After a restless sleep, I woke early that morning with more feelings of dread and a deep sadness compounded with even more fear.
Last week I talked about it a little on Twitter one night. Some of my blog readers follow me on Twitter. The messages of support came flooding through. People I never even chatted with before sent me kind and encouraging words. I started to receive messages from people that also battled cancer. Normally we are all chatting about food. Now we were talking about surviving cancer. I received offers of help from my local friends on Twitter. Even more messages telling me how I was included in their prayers at mass on Sunday. My heart swelled with all the love and support. More tears arrived. This isn’t easy, but you are all helping to make it just a little easier and I am grateful.
I have many questions going through my mind. What if the cancer is somewhere else in my body? Will I really not have to do chemotherapy and radiation? Am I really as lucky as my neighbor and sister-in-law have told me? I know I should feel lucky that it was detected at an early stage, but in all truthfulness, I find it so difficult to say, “I feel lucky.” Maybe it is still too early for me to be grateful for this illness. When I called my brother to tell him my sad news he repeated several times, “I don’t know what to say.” I told him, “Just tell me you love me.”
On a much brighter note: my in-laws will be here from Italy for 5 wks. Yes, 5 glorious weeks! I’m hoping my surgery will be scheduled while they are here. Since I still have to heal from the procedure I had 10 days ago, I’m not sure when it will be.